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Fox, did Ari chuck your cell phone out the window again? Jack and I both have been trying to get in touch with you this morning, in regards to a... situation going on back in CO. Let me know when you read this, okay?

I told you the kids had another day of classroom interviewing stuff today, not that you were listening to anything I said.

But somehow I'm not surprised that there's a 'situation'. What do you need me to do?
Oh. Yeah, I totally forgot about that. Things have been a little crazy around here. Can you and the kids get to Bolling AFB? Jack's waiting there with a helicopter to get you guys to some... alternative transportation. I really need your help with something back home.
Ari says she's going to kick you in the ear if you forgot to feed Vin Diesel.

Yeah, I guess. Will's done in ten minutes, and we have to go back by the house first, I have to sign something for the contractor. What exactly is going on?
Well, it took me a couple days to actually find Vin Diesel, but he's currently fed and in his tank, so... win/win.

It's complicated, as usual. But the gist of it is... we've got another Trust clusterfuck on our hands, and SG-1 needs to go offworld and try to clean up the mess. And I'd like for you to do me a huge favor while I'm gone.
And for about the ten thousandth time, I am so happy we didn't cave on the tarantula front.

Wow, I am shocked to hear that something has come up requiring your immediate attention, irrespective of what other things you might have to do this week. And let me guess: you're going to need another couple of days, maybe a week, but no more than two, really, to wrap things up there once this situation is over.

Yeah, yeah. What?
...or the eel?

Fox, that isn't fair. You know I wouldn't cave to anything short of an honest-to-god, galactic-wide emergency, and believe me, this qualifies.

I need you to babysit a robot. Think you're up for it?
An eel would die.

Well-- no, I don't. But...great. Try not to die.

That is not what I expected. Is babysitting this robot more important than where our children go to school next year and whether or not the contractor breaks my new house?
Jesus christ, Fox. How could you not know? I even argued you into the ground just for a chance at retirement. I'm not dragging my feet, if that's what you think.

I don't know, you'll have to decide that for yourself. If you want out, just say so.
I'm just not surprised, that's all.

How can I decide that when all I know is "babysit a robot"? I mean, we're waiting on a taxi to Bolling now, I'm not 'out' of anything, but...it's not like we were on vacation here.
I'll call Jack. Just go on back to the house, and I'll have someone here let you know when the mission's done.
Oh, shut up. I'll call you when we get to Peterson. Can you arrange for someone to meet us there and take the kids home? I don't want to bring them to base if it's...dangerous.
I mean it, Fox. I'm dealing with a major crisis here, and I don't have time for your passive-aggressive bullshit. You're either in or you're out, and I need to know one way or another, preferably without any snide commentary about how I'm inconveniencing you by asking for some back-up.

I've already arranged off-base care for the kids, so make your decision quick.
Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Like I said, I'll call you when we get to Peterson.
Stuck in traffic already. Tell me about my...charge.
He's me. Minus the past 12 years or so. And, you know, with... microchips and stuff.
...I read that mission report. And what is it doing here?
He, not it. The original Daniel-bot was blown up a long time ago. But Maybourne's rogue NID faction apparently nabbed the technology for building replicas from Altair a while back, and now the Trust has taken over the program and built at least four additional robot teams. One of the teams has decided they don't want to work for anyone but themselves anymore, and, well... Daniel from the alpha group went AWOL to ask for our help stopping.

But what I need you to do is... keep him entertained for a bit? Again, it's complicated.
Well, whatever.

Oh, great, so a rogue team of SG-1 robots is on the loose doing whatever the hell they want? I'm sure this'll end well.

...what do you mean, entertain? He isn't just hanging around on base?
Basically, yes. From what alpha-Daniel's told us, the theta team came out... wrong. Aggressive and sociopathic, which, given the Trust's goals as pertaining to past escapades, doesn't really surprise me. I can't quite wrap my brain around it from a personal perspective, but they've already killed innocent people making their escape, and that's really all I need to know.

He's supposed to stay on base, but I have other plans. Provided you're willing to help me pull off a bit of subterfuge...
...this is going to involve a Parent Trap-esque swapping of places, isn't it.

Having second thoughts?
No, no. Just-- I'm not sure...what do you want me to do with him? And why the excursion?
I don't know, distraction, mostly? He still has an important part to play in all of this, assuming the real SG-1 is successful.

He doesn't have much time left, either. He's me, essentially, and I know that I wouldn't want to spend my remaining hours cooped up in a holding cell, with scalpel-happy scientists lurking right outside like vultures. I'm confident that you'll be able to think of something.
We just touched down, taxiing and shit now. Who's here for the kids?

Ok...I guess so. What do you mean he does-- oh. His batteries are running out? And he can't get back to recharge?
Lt. Wells and his wife should be waiting at the gate with Baby Janet. They're going to take the kids to their house overnight, if you're okay with that.

Yeah, all of alpha-team went rogue to help stop the theta baddies, and they already know they're not coming back from this, no matter how it turns out. Evil SG-1 got to Altair before we could, trashed the power source, and it looks like Harlan's MIA as well. We're officially out of options at this point. Alpha-Jack even tried to ambush the theta team, once he knew his Daniel made it safely to earth, but that didn't turn out so great.

I guess you can see now why alpha-Danny might need a little downtime?
Yeah, that's...um, they have everything they need in their bags since I thought we'd be staying longer. And both of them are pretty exhausted, so they shouldn't be too much trouble.

Sure, I just don't know what...he's not going to want to eat, right? Taking him out drinking is a little pointless. But...I'll think of something , I guess. Are you going offworld again tonight? Will you have time to talk when I get there? Just for a minute.
Good. It's only temporary, and I think they'll both have fun over there. Sloppy Joes and a DieHard movie marathon were being planned, last I heard.

He can eat and drink, but he doesn't really get anything out of it, as far as I know. And I'm not going anywhere myself tonight, since I'll be taking alpha-Daniel's place in the aforementioned holding cell. But that's not until after lights-out for overnight personnel, so I'll be around when you get here.

Also, just in case I forgot to mention it before? Don't say anything about the switcheroo plan to Jack, alright?
Handoff went fine, and they're going to go by the house so Will can feed the dogs.

Ok. Should be there in ten. Got you some coffee.

...since when do I voluntarily tell Jack anything?